BIG Announcement!!

Feb 8, 2010 I got off the phone with my spouse. My mouth was dry and I was shaking in anger. After 14 years of abuse, he had just targeted my child. I had been praying for a clear path for months as things at home had been escilating. As I hung up the phone...

What Do Abusers Have In Common?

In order to effectively help a victim of domestic abuse and as a way to more fully understand what you, as a victim, have gone through, it is very important to address the commonalities that we see across the board in abusers. Batterers are individuals who all have a similar way of thinking and functioning...

Abusive Retaliation/Paybacks

A phenomenon that victims experience, but don't always have the words to express, is called Abusive Retaliation or Paybacks. Now, this may automatically leave us thinking about the courts and the retaliation a victim might experience after she reports, leaves or files for protection and yes, this retaliation is a well-documented concern. However, Paybacks go on all...

LET’S TALK ABUSE…

There are 6 primary forms of abuse. This blog post will briefly explore each one and shed light on how it is used by an abuser to maintain power in a relationship. Abuse is intended to create a control and power imbalance in your relationship. Abuse creates an environment of mistrust, tension, violence, and chaos....

Are You Telling Me that God is Abusive? Financial Abuse part 6.

When I fled in my van with my children, I had nothing. Over the previous 14 years, I had been prevented from accessing cash and writing checks. I was limited to the use of one credit card for all our needs. I was called in to stand before him once a month to account for...

Are You Telling Me that God is Abusive? Sexual Abuse, part 5

I'd cried myself to sleep the night of our wedding, having been refused The next morning, I awoke to his hand on my left hip. "Take off all your clothes; I'm going to consummate this now." Shocked, confused, and dismayed, I obeyed. I didn’t feel like I had a choice. A few months later, after being...

Valentine’s Day; When Love Hurts

It was valentines day. I was ecstatic about the gift I was going to give my husband. We loved Disney and visited the parks 2x per year. During one of our visits, we had splurged on a gorgeous Disney print. It had been in our closet for over a year, and this valentines day I...

Let’s Talk About the Power and Control Wheel

I love learning! So recently, when I was made aware of some changes that have happened in the advocacy field of domestic violence, I got really excited to share it with you! As a survivor, and then as an advocate, one of the first things I learned about was the cycle of violence. I think...

Abusive Intimidation

  I didn't rewind the videotape. I made supper, fed the children, cleaned up then sat at the table to eat my meal. He wanted to watch a movie. This was back before DVD's were popular. Our daughter had been watching Thomas the Tank Engine all week long and we kept replaying the same movie...

Abusive Spiritual Isolation; My Story

  Healing takes time. 8 years later, I still find myself discovering new patterns to the abuse I endured for 15 years. I often go back and reread some of the blog posts I've written here. Sometimes I can improve on them, update them or just revisit my thoughts while I was writing them. I...