Abusers do Apologize…. sort of

Abusive apologies are a common form of emotional abuse and manipulation.

Sing Out Loud and Strong


I saw this meme on Facebook today and one of the responses was “70 times 7”, which is a quote from Scripture (Matthew 18:22). This is one of those verses, taken by itself, which is a reason Christians stay in abusive relationships longer than non-Christians.

I have, in the past, seen comments that say Narcissists don’t apologize, abusers never say they are sorry… this isn’t true. There is such a thing as an abusive apology. Abusers often apologize after the abuse, during the honeymoon stage of the cycle. They’ll buy elaborate gifts to go with their apologies, and then as the cycle moves around, they’ll repeat their abuse (often worse) and then apologize again. And those expensive gifts given in remorse? They are held against the victims: “You accepted that gift, you forgave me, you can’t hold my actions against me anymore.” “Why can’t you let that go?…

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