I recently experienced a soul wrenching, life altering betrayal at the hands of one whom I had trusted everything with. The betrayal seems to be never-ending and all-encompassing. Many times over the last few weeks people have come to me and shared stories that add to the larger picture of his betrayal.
My heart, shattered and clinging to the bleeding pieces of memories. Each piece broken even smaller every time a memory is crushed under the truth of an unfaithful love.
I can physically feel Jesus holding my heart together in His hands. At the moments when another vein is busted open or another artery is split spewing my life blood, His hands keep my heart held together. He pumps life back into me.
It is not easy to discover such a huge betrayal. It is not easy to be forced to face the lies that were told to you and the untruths of a long-term relationship based on lies. My heart continues to bleed. Only Jesus fingers can stop the flow. He can stop the bleeding out of me because he too experienced the ultimate betrayal of His love.
When Jesus gave His love, He gave it all. He held nothing back. Every ounce, every moment on His life on earth was wrapped up in loving. He shared His heart, His future, His deepest grief, His happiest joys, His everything He shared with his disciples. He merged His life with those closest to Him spending night and day in the company and certainly in the His thoughts with those He loved and trusted. He held nothing back from their relationship. He gave his living self, before His death, investing His life energy in total commitment to His brothers.
He called out their sins. He taught them how to love. He bound up their wounds. He steered their passions. He supported their dreams. He laughed, cried, slept and ate with them. He traveled, discussed, planned and lived His life with each one.
He did nothing wrong and yet, in the end, He was betrayed.
Judas. Lover of much. Loyal to none.
He gave up all he had for love. But it was not the love of the Savior that He sacrificed so much for. No, it was to another passion that he yearned. I don’t know what lies he had to tell himself or what rationalizations he chose to believe to support his betrayal of true love. He chose to turn his back and he chose another mistress. Proverbs tells us that “an unfaithful man will lose everything”. When a man chooses a mistress instead of the real deal, he loses. He loses family, trust, integrity. He loses his future and his very soul is lost to unholy passion.
Judas pretended to love Jesus. Even kissing Him in his final moments of betrayal was a last visible loyal action. Only those closest to Jesus would kiss him. But maybe Judas did love Jesus. He loved Jesus as much as an unrepentant, self-absorbed, rationalizing lover of the world could.
It was in that moment of Judas kiss that Jesus heart began to break under the burden of betrayed love. As the day of crucifixion continued the betrayal of love became more and more clear. It became more and more unbearable. Jesus heart broke, shattered and bled out. There was nobody who could hold it together for Him.
In the end He died. A heart, broken from betrayal could not keep beating. He was separated from everything that sustained Him. As He separated from His love, His passion, His life, He gave up his very breath.
Jesus heart shattering betrayal of love is what gives Him the ability to hold my heart together today. His heart, broken for me, holds my shattered, bleeding heart and offers me hope and a future. The betrayal of sin would have taken my life had Jesus not already given His.
As Jesus holds my heart together, I pray for my betrayer. I pray that he will not continue to rationalize, lie and make excuses for his sin. That he will not throw away his very life for the love of another mistress. A mistress who, in the end will take his life, not give him life.
I pray for my own human heart. That daily I will continue to give my brokenness to Jesus. That I will allow Him to glue my shattered pieces back together and that I will trust Him to heal my heart.
He alone has earned the ability to heal me. He alone promises me a hope and a future surrounded by His never-changing, never betraying love.
Judas lost all he had. By choosing his mistress, he also lost his life forever. By choosing his passions over the eternal love of Jesus, he lost his soul.
Passion for Jesus,
Passion for this world,
Jesus offers life. He gives you the chance to choose Him and His eternal love.
Is there any mistress of this world that can offer what Jesus offers you today? Sex, money, work, excuses can any of them really offer you life?
Can You give yourself life?
Jesus can. Jesus will. Jesus knows and Jesus Loves.