As I sit here I wonder what I should write about. I am asking God “Lord, what do you want to say to me? to my friends who read this?” and I am impressed to just share my rambling thoughts with you.
So much has happened in the last few months. So many changes, mostly good ones have come into my life. Changes always seem to bring with them more changes and adjustments as well as new adventures and learning opportunities. But it seems to leave me whirling. A bit dizzy and a bit off-balance.
Life is so funny. (I say that tongue in cheek) One longs for something to happen, prays for it, fights for it and dreams about it and then when that very thing happens we are shocked, Amazed and not quite willing to believe in reality! I find myself doing this lately, I was given what my heart longed for and yet I find myself doubting that it is real. I find my heart questioning, sceptical and a bit guarded. God wants the very best for me. Aligning my heart and desired with his gives him the ability to give us what our hearts desire the most.
(I dropped into prayer and this is what I was led to type as I prayed)
move in me Jesus. Take away my failures and doubts. Hold me tight in your arms. comfort me. take away my pain and confusion. my inadequacies. Heal my brokeness. show me where I have wronged. my desire is for you jesus. my heart longs to be closest to you. when I don’t spend that time with you, I am lost. my heart feels empty and lost. I know you are waiting for me to come to your table, to eat with you, talk with you and seek you. you will not force yourself on me. you always love me. you are over joyed when I choose you, jesus. your heart longs for me and mine for you. sometimes I have questions and I don’t know how to ask them. I feel inadequate to come to you. you have named me. you embrace me. there is nothing I can do that will shock you. you know my fallen heart and my fallen world. yet you make up the lack for me. I am your beloved. my heart is clean because of you. my character is made new in you. I am no longer the sin filled human. I am christ filled. I no longer live under the curse of the earth but under the blessing of God. My Jesus, my friend, my brother, my saviour, my lover. I love you. Come into me, cleanse me and make my heart light. Sit with me Lord Jesus. Hold my hand. I am wandering when I am not with you. you really do make my path straight and light. use me Jesus, use the talents you have given me. Use my heart, my words, my life to bring other hearts to you so that they can find the lightness, the healing and the love for themselves. I can’t help but raise my hands to you Jesus. I am so thankful for all you have done in me. I cry tears of happiness. I smile and lift my face toward heaven and jesus you always come to me. You never forsake me or leave me. I am your precious beloved little bird. you will care for me. I will fly in your strength and on your wing. My jesus I love you so much. Fill me Lord.
I imagine how complete Mary felt as she bathed your feet with sweet perfume and her hair. I imagine how inadequate yet so overcome with your amazing Lordship she felt. She smiled and wept and knelt at your feet. She did what she could for you and you called it good. I praise you because you call me good.I am no longer bound by sin and separation from you. Oh my Jesus, I love you. you speak to me and I hear you. thank you jesus for speaking. my jesus. my beloved. my hearts desire. nobody but you jesus. I adore you. thank you. thank you.
come jesus come..I press in close to you. I long for you near me. I want to hear your voice to follow your words in my life. I want to set at your feet like mary did and learn from you. I long for your wisdom in my life. I am filled with you peace. I am brought to my knees in worship. heal me, lead me. show me where i have strayed and show my deepest heart and when you show me…heal me. fill all of me, every space every place. love me lord. I accept your Love.