Abusive Retaliation/Paybacks

A phenomenon that victims experience, but don't always have the words to express, is called Abusive Retaliation or Paybacks. Now, this may automatically leave us thinking about the courts and the retaliation a victim might experience after she reports, leaves or files for protection and yes, this retaliation is a well documented concern. However, Paybacks go on... Continue Reading →


Very well written. I am glad to share this on my own blog http://www.littlebirdflies.wordpress.com

Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence

By Terry Loving

How can a woman who is often beaten and maltreated “rejoice?” Does Jesus expect her to shout and praise God as the blows land on her precious body? Can she honestly feel good about following a Savior who encourages her to keep her eyes on the prize – heaven – when the beatings drain joy from her soul? And how shall she pray – “Dear Lord, give me the strength to take another body slam, for I give my all to Thee?”


Sadly, many Christian women believe that it is their “duty” to suffer domestic violence and abuse. They have no real Biblical basis for the abuse, only the lies told to them by abusers who misuse the Word to keep them in bondage. Unfortunately, numerous preachers misquote the Bible in ignorance, and embrace male domination to support the abusers in their misdeeds. Granted, the Bible…

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Abusers do Apologize…. sort of

Abusive apologies are a common form of emotional abuse and manipulation.

Sing Out Loud and Strong


I saw this meme on Facebook today and one of the responses was “70 times 7”, which is a quote from Scripture (Matthew 18:22). This is one of those verses, taken by itself, which is a reason Christians stay in abusive relationships longer than non-Christians.

I have, in the past, seen comments that say Narcissists don’t apologize, abusers never say they are sorry… this isn’t true. There is such a thing as an abusive apology. Abusers often apologize after the abuse, during the honeymoon stage of the cycle. They’ll buy elaborate gifts to go with their apologies, and then as the cycle moves around, they’ll repeat their abuse (often worse) and then apologize again. And those expensive gifts given in remorse? They are held against the victims: “You accepted that gift, you forgave me, you can’t hold my actions against me anymore.” “Why can’t you let that go?…

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